I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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