but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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