Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
