Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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