there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
