and you said cock pushups were impossible
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
