be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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