You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
