Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
