don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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