theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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