Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
