my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
