smell my finger.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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