We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
