They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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