Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
