It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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