I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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