I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I smell stomach acid.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
