i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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