One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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