I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i would punch a child for taco bell
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
