i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He has the fingertips of a God
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