as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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