screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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