whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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