Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
