She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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