i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize