if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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