Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
