...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
