Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
