the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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