drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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