you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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