So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
