May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
