matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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