Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
