i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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