So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
