oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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