wanna go halves on a baby?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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