Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we made out on top of his cat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
