so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
