Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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