did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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