haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
