we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
