This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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