I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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