I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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