Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
