yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
