Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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