shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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