I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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