dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
