I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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