bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
