Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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