I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
