Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
