He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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