Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
