he was CRYING into my vagina
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
