so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
