I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
