This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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