This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
