All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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