i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
