I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
