My liver just broke up with me...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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