Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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