I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
